Making the First Grader Proud

Hello Bloggies!

As I've mentioned a bit here and there, I've been over at Spark People. A lot.  I've been blogging more regularly over there, focusing on my weight loss and health journey.  I wanted to share this one I wrote on SP with ya'll. I wrote it for my "Sparklers" as I call them; the amazing network of support on SP. It's a story close to my heart and it only happened a few weeks ago.

--Krista

Originally titled "I did the IMPOSSIBLE, and I have YOU to thank for it!"

Yep. You. The person reading my blog, and maybe even commenting on it. I did the impossible, thanks to you. You rock!

Let me explain.

Ever since I was a child I loved to run. In first grade I won the "Olympics" competing against all other first graders in running a mile. I won! Me! Krista. I was a shy child at times, especially at school, but when it came to that day, I gave it my all and I won. I remember feeling a pride like none other.

I loved to run.

In middle school I began to understand that my body was more than just something to let me run and play. People actually LOOKED at it and judged it GOOD or BAD! What? That was weird.

I distinctly remember looking down at my bare legs one summer day, baffled that some people had "nice legs" and others didn't. To me, my legs just looked like -- well -- legs!

But my self-consciousness began sometime soon after.

As puberty got closer and my body got awkward, I became more and more interested in what was perceived as "good looking" and what was not. And determined I was in the "not" category.

Not a healthy way for a 7th grader to be feeling! But, all too common unfortunately.

In high school I was maybe 10 lbs overweight but still healthy and strong. But that didn't matter to me. What mattered was I wouldn't go out in public in shorts because my legs didn't look like those models on the magazines. My stomach didn't look flat enough. I wasn't good enough for shorts, let alone a swimsuit. I compared myself to everyone around me.

I missed out on a lot of fun. I was self-conscious.

At this point in time, I began running again, only this time it wasn't for fun. It wasn't for stress relief. It was to mold myself into something "better".

I lived near a large park and would run everyday after school, hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew. I ran. And ran.

And ignored the pain.

Even when the pain got worse, I ran.

In my junior year, I was standing in class and suddenly found myself on the floor, my knee having given out on me. It was excrutiating pain. It was was also embarrassing and defeating.

I could no longer run. I'd injured my knee. Even with physical therapy, I'd never be the same.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward through my 20s. I'd attempted to run again here and there, this time to be healthy but also because I remembered that once upon a time, I'd actually enjoyed this!

Unfortunately, I re-injured my knee and was officially diagnosed with Patella Femoral Syndrome. Excruitiating pain. I'd trained too hard and too fast.

I dreamt of the day when I could run a half-marathon. People who have done that are heroes to me. They did the impossible. Amazing.

But I could never do that. I could barely walk without pain.

Fast forward to three months ago. Three months ago I joined Spark People. I also began to believe in myself again, that I could run. I learned all I could (ice, go slowly, don't over do it, listen to your body, etc) and began to jog at the gym.

The first time I ran for 2 minutes at the gym I almost cried. I was on my way. 2 minutes was longer than I'd run in YEARS. And yet, here I was. Doing it! Pain free!

Slowly, but surely.

Fast forward to last night. I'd been ever so slowly increasing my time and distance over these few months and had gotten up to running 10 minutes without stopping.

Last night I decided to go for it.

Run a whole mile without stopping. Could I really do it?

I thought back to first grade. That was MY mile. This could be MY mile. Here and now. I could do it.

I started running and was feeling great. I passed the 1/2 mile marker. Then the doubts set it. "I can't do this! I haven't run a whole mile in YEARS! I'm going to fail! I'm going to give up! I'm going to hurt myself. I can't do this!" raged in my thoughts.

I was fighting a mental war in my head.

Here's the part where you guys came in.

I imagined writing the title of this blog. What would I say? "I ran a MILE guys!" or "I did the impossible!". Obviously, I finally settled on the latter.

Knowing I had you all to cheer me on, even though at the time you had no idea what I was doing, literally switched that self-doubt to the OFF position. All of a sudden, I was STRONG. I kept going. I felt great.

I did, what I had feared was, the IMPOSSIBLE.

And before I knew it, I'D RUN A MILE!

That mile represents so much to me. The mile has always been the first hurdle in long distance running. The mile proved to me that I CAN do this. I CAN reclaim the joy and the strength I had received from running. It was very symbolic to me. It was a mental wall that I broke through.

It also made me believe in myself that much more. I believe I will lose as much weight as I need to in order to be healthy. Like my running, I will go slowly, I will listen to my body, and I won't overdo it. And like running, I will succeed!

Last night, I made that shy little first grader proud.

And I wanted to say thank you for that.

These are Goooood.

Oh Dear... these are a yummy (and HFCS-free!) treat.

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size: 2 bars
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Calories 190 Calories from Fat 70
Total Fat 8g
Saturated Fat 1.5g
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 0mg
Sodium 140mg
Total Carbohydrate 28g
Dietary Fiber 3g
Sugars 12g
Protein 4g
Iron 4%

Final Score: To Do List

Now that I'm *cough* 31, I thought it was time to grade myself on last year's 30 Things to do in my 30th year.  Here we go...

1. Drink more tea and water, less coffee and soda. Soda has been cut out (yeah!).  Coffee habit, eh, not so much.

2. Do something active every day. I made huge strides in this. My dog loves it, too, cuz I've got her out on walks more often.  Watch a LOT less TV, and generally get a whole lotta stuff done (my garden thanks me).  Still working on it.  I want to be active every.single.day.  Period. So this goes under TBC (to be continued).

3. Learn to knit.  FAIL.  Didn't happen. I tried.

4. Bake an Apple Pie for DH.  Done. ; )

5. Go tent camping (sans tent if necessary) I don't have any desire to do this and can't remember why I ever did.  What was I thinking?  What's ironic, is we went even further from that, from out cab-over camper to a full on fifth wheel.  We're traveling in style and comfort and I like it!  So, I'll score this one a NLA (no longer applicable).

6. Have a garage sale Done! Got rid of so much stuff that was just taking up space.  My favorite was the dog house that Midnight refused to ever use. I sold it to a boy who'd recently gotten a dog, for $5.  It was 'like new' so he got a DEAL.  And I got my deck space back. 

7. Practice my Spanish Si!

8. Eat healthier Doing really well with this one.  In fact, I've lost 20 lbs over the past 3 months because of it. Woot!

9. Lose weight and then maintain a healthy weight Mkay, I wanted to lose 50 lbs, but didn't get crackin on that goal til late November, so to date, I've lost 20.  30 to go (maybe more). 

10. Go mountain biking with the hubster.  Hmmm, well we went trail riding together a few times, but not mountain biking. Hills intimidate me.  Maybe this year....

11. Stretch more FAIL.

12. Walk 10,000 steps each day Ginormous FAIL.

13. Run (ok, jog) a 5K Another FAIL.  I'm running (ok, jogging) a 3K in May though, so I'm making strides towards this.

14. Go to bed earlier, wake up earlier. I finally accepted that I have to get to bed at a decent hour in order to feel my best.  So, yes, I've been getting to bed earlier (anywhere from 9-10:30) and getting up earlier (6:15 on weekdays).

15. Try a new active hobby. Gardening (yes, it *does* count as active, just ask my hurt-so-good body today after a weekend of it!), biking, walking the dog, even went roller skating for my bday (suuuuuuper fun!). 

16. Blog more.  *cough* Uhmm... yeah.  Well, I have been blogging over at Spark People, but when I made this goal, I was talking about here, so I'm gonna have to FAIL myself on that one, too.

17. Host a BBQ or party (or both!) Done, and had fun!

18. Watch less TV Definitely done. I am finding it less and less entertaining too. I'd rather be *doing* something than passively sitting around feeling lazy.

19. Be a tourist at home. Yup yup, and I hope to continue this.  Sonoma County has SO MUCH to offer. More winery visits, restaurants, camp spots, trails, creeks to come this year!

20. Volunteer.  Ehrm.... didn't get so far with this one. I've volunteered my time with family and friends (which I think is muy imporante!), but this goal was about officially volunteering.  Like at a library, or with Big Brothers, Big Sisters.  So... FAIL.

21. Keep my car, house, yard clean and organized. YUP yup, and now I can't have it any other way. A sink with dishes in it irks me. My new bff is Bar Keepers Friend. It's cheap and easily keeps my white sink white.

22. Have a date with the hubster at least once a month. Yup, yup!

23. Embrace new friendships, nourish old ones. Yup! Doing my best anyways. I find it hard when I reach out to someone, especially an 'old' friendship, when it's not returned. But I know it's becaue 99% of the time their lives are just too busy, so I try not to take it personally.  And I keep trying.  That's what's important.  And new friendships are fun, too!

24. Listen more, interrupt less. Doing so much better, but still have a ways to go. Old dog, new tricks, and all. 

25. Forgive.  Yep. And I've also learned when you can forgive a person, but not necessarily let them back into your life because it's just too unhealthy.  That is hard, and I struggle with it, but I know what feels right and what doesn't.  I forgive because I know everyone is human though, and it's not healthy to be harboring resentment.

26. Spend money wisely; learn to be cheap and proud of it! Oh my gosh. I am a new woman! My husband has had a positive effect on me, and I spend my money much more wisely now.  Even things that use to be fun (bumming around Target for hours on end) don't thrill me much anymore.  This has been a great thing.

27. Learn to drive a stick shift once and for all.  FAIL.  And I blame my husband.  I think he's scared I'll kill his truck. Lol.

28. Stop and smell the roses.  Always!  And watch the birds, look at the stars, take a deep breath....

29. Suprise the hubster with something fun.  I dyed my hair back to blonde (he was not a fan of the brunette) without telling him, then suprised him when he got his blonde wife back. He was a happy guy.

30. Think about "Be the change you wish to see in the world" and work towards that end.  Always.
 
Alright... so 7 FAILS outta 30 goals.  That's 76% or a C+
 
Gonna do better this year.  I want a B average!  I'll be thinking about this year's goals and posting soon.